This was last year's entry. Just remembering how good God is.. HIS LAST WORDS I was telling my new cellmates (angel, kae & karina) that God is so faithful . In my life specifically & I mentioned that my kuya died of leukemia two years ago. They were in tears as I told them the last words he said before he died. Basically my kuya lived most of his college life being agnostic & most of us thought he was an atheist. Two weeks before he died (april 2003), I was told to go back to my hometown (Zamboanga) to see him. My family thought that he'd pass away anytime while I was worried thinking of ways to share salvation to him . Knowing he's agnostic & we're not that close. I mean, he wasn't close to anyone of us. He's just emotionally tuck. (Sorry kuya ha but I still love you kahit ganun ka.hehe) I was scared but at the same time I knew God promised that my whole household would be saved. I was literally crying when I saw him for the first time that way- skin & bones, dried lips with streaks of dried blood, impaired speech, helpless, oxygen & food tubes through his mouth, frail body.. argh! The sight of him breaks my heart. I talked to him but all I could hear were mumbles & slur of words. I must have wished he'd stop talking cuz he struggled just doing that. Tears couldn't stop falling. That was the first time I never felt ashamed crying in front of my family & my aunt; while nurses came in to check on him. Crying while trying hard to understand what he was saying and trying hard to answer him back with sense. I read the bible to my mom & rony while I stayed to watch over him. I was amazed that my kuya gestured that he wanted to join us & listen to me. God just gave me a window of opportunity to read bible verses to him but still I wasn't able to share salvation. I was happy he was listening although he didn't talk. I also mustered up the courage to share the gospel to my dad. Guess what time I did that? 12 midnight!Haha. My youngest brother (Rony) came in while I was doing one2one with my dad then he joined us, as well. We finished around 2am. I couldn't believe I prayed for my dad & rony (mostly shocked that I was praying for daddy!) & even prophesied over him. What? That wasn't me at all! I had to leave for LB soon & still didn't do what I was supposed to do. Mostly because the fear of rejection held me back & because of my timidity, shame, etc. What a lame excuse! At the back of my mind I was still in faith that he would be completely healed. So I left LB in faith but somehow I felt bad. Then it happened. Kuya died. 'Is he saved? Did he receive salvation? Why didn't I share the gospel to my own brother?why?why?why? Celat, you're so apathetic, it's your fault. God, didn't i pray enough? God, did I lack faith?' These were some of the many things that haunted my poor mind back then. But then again God assured me that kuya is indeed in the loving my arms of my Saviour. My dad mentioned that there was this one night that kuya was ailing & crying in pain. Kuya called my dad and said "daddy let's pray to Jesus..." They did pray to Jesus. 'Wait, they prayed to Jesus?' That blew my mind away! Knowing kuya & my dad? Huwaaaaaaaaaat??? Before he died, dad told me that kuya's last words were " I love you mommy, I love you daddy, I love You Jesus." God humbled me again. See? God is faithful even to the last breath. | 
